Since 2015 started, I began to have a very bad habit and that is to procrastinate.
I dread going for night classes.
I dread doing assignments.
I dread studying for exams.
I dread going for CCA duties.
I dread going for meetings.
I dread the increasing workload and responsibilities.
When I dread, I procrastinate and so... I choose to escape whenever I can. Simple.
I just started to have this thought of wanting to simply enjoy life doing things I like and love. I cannot understand why I need to do things that I dread because I should be controlling my own life. Nobody can tell me what to do. Life still goes on no matter what, right?
All the ambitions and goals from young are gone. I merely want to lead a simple life by earning enough, I guess. Career ladder? I never thought of climbing it and the thought even scares me actually. I want to be simple... a nobody. Yaya... all these are just talk. Who wouldn't want more money opportunities? I haven't got the least courage to throw in a white towel yet.
Sometimes, I feel as if I have a psychological barrier within myself that I cannot overcome and yet I dont know how to put it to words. There are several times I feel useless and extremely negative at my life this year. I'm probably sick in some way mentally.
Whatever it is, I am still blessed with the love from my family and boyfriend. Honestly, I would choose to spend all the time with them over going to work or study. They are the ones who made me feel at ease and peaceful. I can't imagine life without any one of them.
