you can't change the past just like how you can't turn back the clock

mum have been falling ill so many times lately, she have been taking too many medical leaves and so much so that the upper management isn't too happy with it now. mum's tired from all the hard work and slogging after all these years. i can't help but to recall my childhood when i wished that i can be a working adult sooner so that i can helped with the burden at home. i recalled the tears and the darkness with heat when we failed to pay our bills.

i'm fortunate enough for i'm the youngest. i have the support of my siblings now that i'm the only one still studying but i am still in debt, endless debts in fact. ohwells.

what help and support can you give us over just a phone call. where in the right mind do you think you are carrying out your responsibility. tell me that you are apologetic, but it's too late. mum have been telling me lately with matters regard to you, and all of it just deepens my hate and blame for you. i have nothing to say to you at all, and i hate it when i hear your voice over the phone.

i always cry whenever i think of the past and you. i always cry whenever i think of all the possible reasons. i always cry whenever i recall the scene where i cried and hid behind the wall while peeping into the living room. i always cry whenever i recall the times when i look forward to your presence at home after school everyday but only to disappointment.

my mum's really one of the noblest mum in the world, although i don't usually express it. i believe each child thinks their mum as the best in the world despite all the weaknesses and unglam-ness of hers.

i love you, mum.
i love you, sister.
i love you, brothers.
i love you, pigs.

i thought that this blog have been isolated somehow.
there were times when i just break down thinking of all these.
i think i blogged a few times in the past too.
but if you happen to hop by this blog and learn about this, don't worry i'm fine.
i guess this have been a cycle for me, a cycle whereby i'll cry thinking of the past.

she said you cried.

she said you are sorry.
she said you know.
but, it makes no difference.

kinships. i don't want our generation to become like theirs.

i very much wanted to tell you...
"hey, share your problems with me k. i may not be able to help much but at least i know you might feel better after sharing and we talk about almost everything under the sky."

these words were never spoken from me to you because i don't know how to start and i know you doesn't want me or us to worry. i'm a grown up kid now, i know what to do.

i want to make you laugh no matter how stupid looking i need to be.