never.

big fight with mum.

argued over my ad-hoc & part-time jobs.

i knew i should never ask her for more money.

i knew i should never tell her my hunger.

but i forgot about it all and she knew about my thrifty life and hunger times.

i shouldn't have come home super late for dinner, because i don't wanna dine out.

i shouldn't have ask her for breakfast.

i shouldn't have ask her to buy snacks so i can bring to school.

i shouldn't tell her that i wanna clear the $600 debt fast.

i used to earn a lot of money from CapitaLand.
initially, i told myself to leave at least a 4 digit number in my bank.

then, i told myself to leave at least $500 in my bank.
eventually, i told myself to leave at least a 3 digit in my my bank.

but touch your heart and think, which teenager/young adult survives on $150 a month for pocket money. who in the hell survives with that.

because of lack in pocket money, i started to use my own money in bank.

i never ask for more because i understand.

and now. i have barely a 3 digit amount in my bank account.

and i still owe my brother $600 for the study trip.

yes, he never rush me for it but i don't like the feeling to be in debt.

how in the hell do i survive if i don't start working ad-hoc or part time?

i want to at least go ahead with 1 graduation trip with at least 1 group of my friends.

i don't ask for somewhere far and expensive or luxurious.

as long as i'm out of Singapore.

i'm greedy, but i have never went for branded goods.

all the brands you see on me, are presents to me.

and many times..

i felt extremely touched when they buy for me because there is really no need to.

i know myself, and i even dare to say i'm quite a sensible kid.

but you never know, cuz i didn't say.

it is not something to tell you anyway.

i know what am i doing.

i will take care of my academic.

i know that i can handle it because i have 3 days off a week.

i know when to push off a job offer.

i know my limits.

i know.

you never trust me, i know.

and i don't see what's wrong with staying with my sister and brother-in-law.

they are not strangers.

freaking open up your mindset can!

i promise.

i will never say anything about me being tired.

i will never say anything about me being hungry, or starving.
(at least to you)

i will and shall survive on my own.

you give, i take.

i will never ask for more.

i will not trouble you.

i hate the bastard.

we are off the topic, period.

i'm somehow thankful for you.

because you triggered my tears to overflow now, the tears that i wanted to let it all out since idk-when. i should be able to feel better after the tears dry.