I salute you if you are still reading this space of mine.

i think i just landed myself in a big mess and i just lost my directions because i took a wrong step, perhaps. i didn't know it would hurt us this fair bit when i made that decision. you always leave me speechless and not knowing what to do next. i want to tell you how much it matters to me but i just couldn't, it seems like my lips and heart are glued tightly together. i don't dare to seek for your forgiveness nor understanding because i'm beginning to doubt myself. what have i just become. i lost you all because of a stupid thought, which persisted and corrupted all my thoughts. i wished i have the magical thread to mend the hole between us, because i do not know how to go about doing it. i lost it all, i'm really sorry. i saw it all but it is just difficult for me to ... i want us back to the past, like you do too. really.

i sat in my room and looked at the wall of photos i have, how many of them are still in contact with me. how many of them stayed throughout with me and vice versa.

this is my 9th month in the working society, time flew before i knew it. many things have changed within this period of time. i feel so tired & no-life now suddenly. i miss my days in school. i miss my company of friends. i hate to appear tough every single day, there are times when i felt vulnerable and tired too.

this is probably the another breakdown period that i need to survive through.