Leap of Faith

*cleaning away the spider webs here*
i guess nobody reads this space of mine anymore since i only come here when i'm super lazy to pick up the pen to write in my diary. If you do read this space of mine, let me know! HAHA.

Well, I'm on the edge of a high spot and all it takes is a leap of faith for me to find out if i'll soar high or land with injuries. Everyone, including my mum, is asking me to take the first step.

My mum was hurt in many ways but she does not stop loving. She may be even more worried about us finding the right happiness due to her personal encounters, but she continues to believe that good men exists and there is the so-called happiness for us which i have never believe in.

She made me realise that she's stronger than me when i always thought that i am a strong girl. I'm wrong, I never dared to take the first step because i wanted to protect myself from getting hurt. i never dared to believe because all i could see are the tears and the broken-hearted at the end of the day. I've always believe in my own independence and that reliance is weak but mum made me realise that reliance may not be a totally bad thing and maybe, just maybe, i could do with it.

Although i've a mother who's rather square-minded, but she is probably the best person to talk to because she have seen more than me. All of her concerns and worries are valid too because she probably have been through the worse heartache. I just realised and felt the heartache that she must have been through many years ago. I was selfish to only bear the hatred for the man and neglected the tremendous heartache that she went through alone.  I salute my mum for going through that alone when none of us could relate to it donkey years ago.

Comparing my mum to myself, i'm nowhere strong like i thought.

And so, i told my mum that i'm gonna let it go. The leap of faith? I'm gonna muster my courage to jump down now but i'm definitely bringing a parachute with me. I'll probably enjoy the adrenaline rush while jumping down anyway.

I'm just glad to be home today and happy for the talk with mum. Im feeling slightly lighter now.