Out of the Game

From Christmas Wish to New Year Resolution to Birthday Wish, I have been wishing for the admission to the sponsored degree programme. Everyone had given me hope and expectations because they all believed that I could get the offer. Therefore, i became very hopeful. Although I told myself to make alternative plans and I did, I never hoped to go for the alternative plans. Indeed, i'm out.

First reaction? I'm disappointed. 

Second reaction? I'm confused. 

Third reaction? I'm devastated.

What's next? Confusion.

So many, so many of them had gotten the offer. I was never competitive but this time, I am. I couldn't help to compare how some of them manage to get the offer despite being half-hearted towards studies while I slogged my guts out at every assignment. If there is one weakness that I need to point out, i'm bad at writing assignments and it sure condemned me since. 

I lost the game. I can't go back to do what I like - student club and school activities. I lost the long-term advantage. I've fallen out of the team...

I've so many things going on in my head but it is just sooo hard to put them into words.